Welcome to the forum @Concernedwife1.
At this point, I’m not sure if I understand why you are so devistated and spent the last several days crying. Has anything out of the ordinary happened thus far with his recovery process? Is your husband equally as devistated? Was having the vasectomy completely his idea?
Yeah, these people are rather sick in the head, emphasis on those that do not give their clients the proper information and/or a proper warning beforehand to make a truly informed decision for themselves, but you have to keep in mind that this kind of stuff is all over within the big picture of modern medicine. Perhaps you are becoming more and more aware of this, which is a good thing. It is rather disappointing.
It isn’t quite that simple, and that’s why vasectomies are considered, or should be considered a permanent form of male birth control. Vasectomy reversals are definitely possible, but there is a catch in all of their lingo, parroting of statistics, and so on. IMHO, their advertisements are generally another perception deception of sorts.
Obviously you noticed that vasectomists are overselling their vasectomies. What makes you think that reversal surgeons aren’t overselling their reversals?
Any man that has a vasectomy reversal that has at least one lab certified semen analysis that is positive will be part of statistics like a ~ 98% chance of return of sperm success rate.
Percentages, statistics, success rates, and so on vary surgeon to surgeon, vary by methodology, vary by the type of vasectomy the man had, the amount of time between the vasectomy and the reversal, and so on, and there are no guarantees.
IMHO, no man should have a reversal on such grounds, terms, or thought process without a proper warning. I know of countless reversal failure stories (including several of my own), and I personally know about a handful of men that were made worse via reversal and regretted it.
Sure, we currently have one guy on this site that has been certified open for at least a decade, and he’s the only person that I personally know of with such a story. I’m sure there are more men out there with documented semen analysis that can prove something similar, but you have to keep it real and accept that reversals are destined for failure, and that’s a fact.
And just FYI, I have been researching this topic for a decade, so believe me when I tell you long term patency success is a crap shoot. The data and/or studies regarding long term patency success rates is very limited and sketchy at best.
There is a reason vasectomy reversals want to scar over, but I wouldn’t expect the vast majority of reversal surgeons to inform you about that. Sure, that doesn’t explain everything. This is a very complicated subject, and I am trying to keep my response simple as possible. Keep in mind that the diameter of the inner lumen of the vas deferens is comparable to a human hair. It doesn’t take much to = game over. My inner lumens were described as “whispy” under a microscope.
Someone could attempt to twist my words and say, I am certified open, and I had my reversal over ~1-5+ years ago. My question to them would be, what are your certified numbers looking like now? How are your certified motility numbers? Truth be known, the vast majority of men can’t even answer those questions.
If a man had a lab certified sperm count of ~80-250+ million motile sperm pre vas, and is shooting ~1-5 million with poor motility several months or years post reversal, that is not what I would consider “vasectomy reversal took me, my body, and system back to normal”. If a woman has tubal ligation, and later decides to have a tubal ligation reversal, she might conceive (emphasis on might), but she, her body, and system is far from back to normal. And like vasectomy reversal, there are no guarantees. Vasectomies are not as invasive and/or destructive as tubal ligation, but there is a point in what I am trying to convey to you or anyone else that reads this.
To me, vasectomy reversal has many pros, and many cons. If a couple is trying to have another child, I think it’s definitely a good option within reason. IMHO, if a man desires to be fertile again indefinitely, that’s an unlikely and/or sketchy objective, goal, etc.
Bottom line, if your husband seems to be ok, I wouldn’t encourage him to have another surgery. Sure, if he had a vasectomy reversal, odds are that he would come out the other side just fine, but there’s certainly several avenues of risk and reality involved, and I previously mentioned several of them - not all of them.
Feel free to respond or ask any specific questions you may have.
Sorry you are here. Hope that helps.