Thanks for all your stories. I’m sorry for all you guys who are going through this pain.
My wife wants me to have vasectomy. I don’t want it for obvious reasons…
If there is anything you could say to my wife, what would that be?
There were a number of posts with same questions, check out this thread Wife wants me to get a vasectomy
My wife would be willing to speak with her about the horrors of seeing a healthy father with young children deal with mind-numbing chronic 24/7 pain.
Simply put, ask her to spend 30 minutes reading some of the stories here, and if she doesn’t see the issue plainly, something is not right.
Just have her create an account and come on here. We’ll be nice if she is willing to listen and have an open mind. From what little you’ve said i wouldn’t do it. It doesn’t work when the wife wants it and the husband does not. That’s a recipe for disaster. You have to want it. Your wife can’t make you want it.
Odds are you’ll be fine but it can be life/relationship wrecking if you develop chronic pain. Not to mention if your marriage goes south and you want to start over.
Man up and use condoms and she should man up and work with you on that and other things that keep you whole and your mutual sex lives with each other good. It’s an elective procedure. No have to’s here.
And you not getting a vasectomy doesn’t mean she has to get her tubes tied either. Neither of you need to mutilate your reproductive tracts. That’s BS.
From a woman’s perspective, I have some ideas that might help.
I’m a long time lurker here as my husband was thinking about getting a vasectomy and my gut was basically yelling at me to not let him harm himself (we are mid 30’s, a boy and a girl, happily married, we don’t want anymore kids and I’m not and will never be on the pill due to the horrible damage is does to women, I honestly just felt something begging me to do my research and protect my husband from something I knew could be permanently life changing)
Tell her that it’s not about putting the full weight on her shoulders, that you’ll wear condoms, EVERY time if that’s what will make her feel safe. (Most women have to shoulder the majority of the responsibility of bearing and rearing children, so for her it might be that factor)
Tell her you would not ask her to go on the pill or get a tubal ligation as you have done research (do your research!) to see how damaging it can be and would never put her in that kind of danger. In reality, waiting till menopause to stop using condoms and tracking fertility is a breeze compared to the potential pain and suffering vasectomy and tubal ligation are known and proven to cause.
Tell her you love her and you guys should research together outside a drs office where they profit off these type of surgeries and talk to men and women who have dealt the horrible side effects.
There is a movement going on right now to protect women from being forced into giving up their physical rights, I see no difference in the physical rights of men being something to fight for and protect as well.
You may be lucky if you get to live 100 years, no matter how much you love this woman, keep in mind if she really loves you she will never ask you to live that life in constant pain.
One other point…had my vasectomy after just turning 40 in 2005. Pain came on like a freight train 8 months later and had the reversal 8 months after trying the usual failed approaches.
We had a 4th child post-reversal. Wife and I were nearly 43. Total shock, but she’s been a total blessing. Yes, we were freaked out about the risks and the costs of another child and how we’d care for her as older parents. All in all, we feel like she filled a missing void. Lesson: you may THINK you’re done, but God/fate/destiny may have other plans. Embrace the madness.
Thanks for all your comments!
My wife only knows succes-stories from friends and family who took the snip. That’s how she has developed a tunnelvision on the subject.
I always search for downsides too. That brought me to this site and confirmed my gut-feeling not to do this.
I’ll send her a link to this website and maybe it will change her mind.
Thanks again and hang on there! I feel sorry for you guys…
You can tell her other side effects are immunological issues later in life. Like your blood, thus your immune system suddenly has to deal with sperm. This auto immune diseases are at risk here. Much like the long term consequences of vaccinations, gmo’s. Those have similar effects.
Hi, my perspective is a little different and harsher !!! Just say no and be prepared to leave her as it could end in tears … I’ve been there and experienced it and am now living with the consequences …So man up and make her realise that she could mess up your lives forever.If you proceed and the vas goes badly all the apologies and guilt will not reverse it .There are so many other ways to prevent children without surgery. Imho.Atb Rob.
On a less negative note. Had mine about 14 months ago. Wasn’t bad. Had a swollen ball about a month ago that lasted a day or 2. I am a 30 year old and have noticed a small drop in my sex drive. (might be attributed to having 2 kids) I don’t regret mine. But I sympathize with all the men that are here in constant pain.
I regret it and am painfully reminded of it everyday. I had mine 2 days after Christmas 2018. It has definitely put a strain on my marriage and relationship with my daughters. To top it off, though he was the highest recommended urologist within a 100 mile radius, he did not even cut the vas deferens and my sperm count, obviously, was unchanged. We still have no idea what was actually cut even though I have had multiple imaging scans done. Something was definitely cut though, because I felt every second of it (local did not work during my procedure).
If you are reasonably ok …Why are you on this website ? We are here because the vas went wrong .I was never told about any of the problems associated with it…I also have colleagues whom never had problems so it is possibly the luck of the draw. Glad you are unaffected but if you were you would be a different person now …atb Rob
If you get one then you’re statistically very likely to come out fine, but if you don’t then you’re in a life altering state of pain. I regret getting my vasectomy. I don’t think it’s worth playing the percentages.
Just say No. You probably have had your share of disagreements about little things. This is not.