My husband wants a vasectomy, but the risks seem so great to me. I have showed him this group. He has his vasectomy booked for around 2 weeks from now. I’d rather use condoms or a diaphragm. Anything but a surgery that could have life long catastrophic consequences. What would you do in my shoes?
iud is very effective
Dont play with testicles. They are vulnerable. Use vaginal diaphrams. My wife has been using it for 11 years. The only complication is she discharges less fluid in menstruation period.
Of course, just about any member her has had a decidedly negative and life-altering experience with vasectomy. There won’t be any ringing endorsements.
Here’s how it goes. Most uros give you the disproven stats of 1-2% of men get pain but then come back with “none of my patients have ever developed chronic pain.” That’s mostly because they don’t know what to do and are, at best, useless if you report chronic pain to them. They even kick you to the curb, tell you it must be in your head, or ask rude questions (as happened to me) like “what do you want me to do, remove your testicles.” Hear no evil, speak no evil, say no evil.
My other objection is that while urology is performing vasectomies that are 100% elective, they have no good answer for when chronic pain develops. Many men have exhausted the potential PVPS treatments yet still live in chronic pain. Urology should be able to fix men they’ve “fixed” when things go South.
Odds are in your husband’s favor. At worst, he’s got a 7/10 chance of being fine, perhaps as high as 98-99/100. But, ask him if a 1/100 chance of developing permanent, debilitating, life-ending pain is worthwhile. Everyone here would tell him no.
In my opinion it’s a Stone Age procedure that Surgeons/Urologists downplay the risks ultimately none of them will ever experience the pain symptoms of pvps…
I’ve been told by a respected Urologist in the Uk and the most respected pain management doc in my country that you won’t find many doctors that get vasectomies and that the risks are down played.
One thing people some what buy into is doctors honesty but I’ve learned personally that the risk from any surgery is higher than what people believe,sit in a pain management clinic for a few hours and you’ll realise this.
Of course the odds are in his favour but it’s unnecessary surgery,surgery is for when there’s no other option but in vasectomies case there is loads and although not 100% safe (ie pregnancy proof) none run the risk of chronic pain or loss of sex life!!
I’d try dissuade him get on with your lives and enjoy the little things,trust me when chronic pain strikes you’ll realise those things so much more
If your husband does have problems and after trying various ‘cures ?’ Can you afford a reversal as an option ?? I wish i had found this site pre-vasectomy as i for one would have never gone through with it .Even a loss of feeling or orgasmic satisfaction will be detrimental to both of your sex lives.In life if it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it is a good mantra to follow.
Of course he may have absolutely no problems whatsoever and good luck with whichever choice he makes .atb Rob…
Chances that he won’t have pain is 7/10 but chances that he will develop other sexual complications is unknown.
Don’t let him do it. Read all my posts. I am one of the few members here that suffer from non pain related issues. As one other person said up here, sexual dissatisfaction and lack of pleasure is a huge huge issue that results depression and being suicidal.
One urologist told me that vasectomy changes majority of men but most believe “this is the way that it should be and continue living with it”. The men that I know that were vasectomized and claim they are 100% ok have grown beer belies in very young age which shows depression and lack of motivation. Men are different than women, some of us don’t care about any of this and continue living… sad truth. And this is one reason you don’t find many men whom have changed to come out and say it. They just assume life is like this, no problem, have some viagra, use drugs and forget!!
Don’t let him do it.
I certainly can’t prove this, but my father had a vasectomy in his late 30s. He was a smoker until 50 when he had a heart attack. He never had pain, and perhaps cigarette-drive heart disease was the root cause, but he was unhealthy from his late 50s until he died two years ago at 75.
He died up pituitary tumors and normal pressure hydrocephalus (water on the brain, same as Tim Conway recently). At one point he tipped the scales at 400 lbs and died at 320. He had an aortic abdominal aneurysm and many other nagging health problems.
I contend the vasectomy contributed to his poor health in middle age but will never be able to prove it.
Very sorry for your loss. I am with you on this. Weight gain is an eventual result of vasectomy at least AFAIK, which likely causes other issues.
OK, if he is persistent about a vasectomy will you at least make him get a semen analysis and a testosterone test beforehand .These won’t take long and you will have a basis to go on after the procedure, and whatever lies ahead.I am sure my T is much lower nowadays and after a reversal i still have no fast swimmers ,as my Dr said "I hope you are not wanting to have children " meaning i was possibly infertile before my vas …The irony lol …
Last piece of advice is to seriously talk about this as it can be life altering .atb Rob.
He has read all of these messages and claims he is still going though with it. Honestly the next few days will be interesting. If it’s a case of his body his choice, I thought we were married… I’m the one caring for him. He had a ruptured brain aneurism a year and a half ago and has chronic headaches which he medicated with thc. Maybe he thinks he can handle more pain. He already gets testicular pain when he doesn’t ejaculate, about every two weeks. His sex drive has severely plummeted and really seems mostly uninterested unless it starts hurting. Pretty sure he will end up with more pain and less interest as the pain won’t be relieved by ejaculation. To me that sounds like it will affect me a lot. I’m already pretty frustrated by the lack of sex life, romance or affection. I’ve always been a high drive and this is sad and frustrating…
Oh he had a testosterone test last week and it was normal?
He doesn’t want any more kids and wants to be sterilized, because he’s applied for disability and will probably never work again. I get it but I’ve offered to take charge of birth control and he still wants to go forward. Even with the risks, and “his brother was fine after his…”
This marriage is already strained and I’m thinking if he does it that it will be the straw that broke the camels back.
I cannot imagine why someone who is already having pain in that area would risk permanently pressurizing their testicles with a vasectomy.
Wow, this is like watching a car crash in slow motion. My reversal urologist told me back in 2006 that he believed men who’ve had groin/scrotal pain or hernias should not get vasectomies. Even with that, your husband’s odds are still probably better than 50%, but to me, that’s not good enough for elective surgery.
I went from the horniest man alive to my wife begging me for sex the last 6 months. My libido has all but disappeared post vas, I’ve gained 20 lbs and I care more about sleep than anything else. I start testosterone and anastrazole treatment for the third time next month. That guy is playing with fire considering his circumstances.
I don’t mean to sound like an ass but it sounds like he’s locked down his decision just in spite. Doesn’t sound like the argument is 100% about birth control.
So was i mate I had to use Viagra 1 month after vasectomy and then it was not great. I suffered from ed since I just don’t bother with sex now no sex drive. Put terrible strain on my marriage. The depression followed and so did suicide thoughts I suffered a complete break down
Sorry to be blunt but your husband is going in with blinkers.
Couldn’t have put it better myself. I was told before my surgery, that only one in a thousand develop pain symptoms, and that if that happened, we would ‘deal with it when it comes up’ and it ‘normally only affects people with a negative outlook on life’. As someone with a positive outlook on life who developed PVPS, I have discovered that ‘dealing with it when it comes up’ is pretty misleading as there are not a lot of options, with reversal being one of the main ones (expensive and not without its own complications).
Sure the chances of injury are (quite) small - but as you say, would you willingly undertake any voluntary operation knowing there was a small chance that your balls would be in pain for ever after? Don’t do it, my advice.
If his testicles hurt in around two weeks and relieves by ejaculation it is likely that his sperm production is high and his chances of PVPS is likely high!!
Go read my posts: pain is one of ~twenty other complications that arise after vasectomy. If he thinks condoms are bad because they reduce the pleasure, then let me tell you: I prefer I had chosen to use five layers of condoms than doing vasectomy because my pleasure and sensitivity during ejaculation is close to minimal and that is causing me a lot of problems including depression (officially diagnosed through a console of three specialists after months of tests that this issue is one of my major causes of depression) - chances of bad things happening to him is pretty high…
Let me summarize my case again: post vasectomy I have gained 25 - 30 pounds in two years, and became depressed (having to have anti depressant) because of non-PVPS related complications = I have memory issues, brain fog and other mood related issues that emanate and appeared after this “simple” procedure; they are all tied to depression and loss of the urge to live!!
These complications are common across the members of this forum but many of these issues are NOT studied and the percentage of how many men are affected is UNKNOWN!!!
My two cents…and good luck!
Tomorrow is the day, and he still says he’s going through with it. I feel angry, frustrated, and extremely sad that he would go through with this without my “blessing”. Does he expect me to walk him three buildings away with two toddlers and a baby? Then care for him well possibly for the rest of his life if he ends up with issues from this? I showed him all the possibilities. I’m devastated that he wants to go through with it “his brother said he was fine after his and that he should do it”.
I hardly slept last night because of stress and devastation, then our youngest two woke me up as they usually do. We tried for those kids so they are not the result of an “accidental pregnancy” that may have caused him to make this decision without me.
I’ve offered responsibility on contraception. He doesn’t care and its truly affecting my feelings towards him because he’s making a lifelong decision that doesn’t just affect him without taking into account my feelings on it. It’s not about having more kids.
Anyway I’m venting and crumbling inside. Thanks for listening.
Wow he needs to clearly think this through without your blessing is such a risk. I have been there. That has to be such a selfish act. Won’t he see your reasons my wife didn’t either and it put such a strain on my marriage it’s a wonder I am still with her. It’s certainly not love that held me here but my responsibility to my children. after her unreasonable listening skills and that she did not understand the word no. I am so sorry.
Chances are that he’ll be fine …I also think the vasectomy may not be the only problem. atb Rob