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Wife wants me to get a vasectomy


#66

Out of the 200 or so registered users at least 5 of us have ended up after a long road of treatments, medication, and other surgeries having a testicle removed. So if she thinks its ridiculous let her know about the hundreds of men registered here going through hell and those of us who are missing a testicle because a doctor was afraid of losing a payday by telling the truth.

If the number seems small to her just think about how many people are reading this and afraid to post anything. There is no way of knowing how many men are out there reading this but afraid to tell their story. Thousands? Tens of thousands? How many people are out there that have no clue what’s going on and what’s happened to them - they are just taking the urologists word that something rare happened and they’ve never seen it before sorry for the bad luck and don’t even know how to find this site because they’ve never be told about PVPS even after “getting” it?


#67

Radar right we have had people start a post by “decided to finally post”, which nothing wrong with that just think how many read but don’t sign up.


#68

You pretty much nailed it with this:

“So if she thinks its ridiculous let her know about the hundreds of men registered here going through hell and those of us who are missing a testicle because a doctor was afraid of losing a payday by telling the truth.”

Have her just read this thread. My wife and I are going through hell. We were pretty close once but in the last 8 years the degree of intimacy and joy in our lives had diminished significantly. I’m hurting typing this. I get angry daily about what happened to me. The cumulative effect of an 8 year cycle of pain and anger is to kill a relationship. It’s tragic. It’s horrible. I don’t really feel like a man anymore you know. I can’t fill that need for her or me because my junk is so messed up it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Sex is not fun anymore. You show me how many young couple could survive a marriage where one loses the ability to enjoy sex, to work without pain, to sit without pain, to have sex without pain. All because when asked point blank by me about pain, the one question I asked, my urologist said “1 in 1000, no 1 in 3000, I’ve never seen it and if it happens we can take care of it.”


#69

And, again, the problem with the 1/20, 1/1000, 1/3000 is that the urological community, in general, has no solution if you’re that 1. Acceptable risks and collateral damage for the guys that knock down $5,000 on a Friday afternoon doing vasectomies, but horrible consequences for the unsuspecting public.

Thank God there are men like Dr. P. and Dr. Marks who have taken to trying to treat us, but the reality is that even the best have middling records of solving the damage caused in the first place.

I advise any men I speak with to stand firm and find other means of birth control (and I fully understand that the Pill has cancerous consequences if used long term).

My wife and I ended up with a post-reversal baby being born when we were nearly 43. We fretted the costs and risks for 9 months, but she’s been a total blessing the last 8-1/2 years. Risk of vasectomy is far worse than the risk of another child. Who knows, another child may end up working out just fine as it did for us unexpectedly.


#70

Are condoms such an inconvenience for her?

I had my vasectomy out of fear of having kids even using a condom all the time. Today I recognize how idiotic this was.

I was supported by everyone I knew. Even my mother and mother-in-law supported my decision.

I have relatives who did it and fortunately they are fine (or maybe they just never wanted to talk about how they really feel).

None of you need to go through sterilization. The outcome of male or female sterilization is uncertain at best.

Keep your parts intact and don’t let yourself be pushed into doing it. Even if you have to end your relationship. It’s definitely better than ruining your life forever.


#71

Well said. Most are okay. Many are not. Some have their lives ruined/altered forever. Work, relationships, sex all impacted horribly because men are not told bad outcomes are a realistic possibility and once it happens, a bad outcome, they deny it and marginalize the sufferers


#72

My story is similar. My wife wanted me to get a vasectomy and badgered me until I finally agreed to see a urologist. Supposedly the best urologist in the community, he totally oversold the procedure as “risk free.” The worst that would happen, he said, was an infection that would be cleared up by antibiotics.

I very reluctantly agreed. Never having surgery before, I was very naive. The surgery took place in a borrowed conference room. Waste baskets overflowing with bloody gauze littered the floor.

The pain started about two days after the procedure. There was no pain, then a sudden shot of pain like getting hit in the balls. It happened many times per day, especially when walking. Everything turned red, and drooped. The pain lasted three months. Thankfully, the pain finally subsided. The psychological impact is still with me 30 years later! The relationship with my wife suffered permanent damage from this episode, as she concluded that I was just making it all up.

DO NOT move ahead with this. Especially if it’s your wife wanting you to do it. It’s absolutely your right to decide how to achieve birth control. I sure wish I had just said “No,” and bought a large box of condoms.


#73

ditto mate I am in the same club. but I am at the stage were we have hallway sex, I tell her to get FU.ked as I pass her, no passion not since that day I made the mistake for her commands had pain for just about half of my life, I am at the suicidal stage I can’t live with this any more, and man I have giving it a good go, 26 years


#74

tell her to get her tubes tied if she is that keen on body mutilation


#75

I have the same problem about extreme fear even with condoms. Its about ruined my social life. Everyone has encouraged me geting a vasectomy. family, friends, my therapist. Im 23 an hate the idea of ending up alone for the rest of my life and stuck to dating 40+ year old washed up woman with their tubes tied.


#76

You really need to make a decision.

You have been told the risks…17 percent chance ( give or take couple of percent)


#77

Yea, I’m pretty tired of hearing @rickydicky going on and on about wanting to get a vasectomy all the time. It got old a long time ago.

@rickydicky, given all you’ve said in multiple posts regarding your situation, you already have some sort of something different about your scrotom, you suffer from anxiety by default, and then some. You come off as a crazy person that trolls this site (a pain forum) complaining that you want to get a vasectomy for nearly a year now.

One of the best answers anyone ever gave you on here was probably from @Worriedwife1. If you think you suffer from anxiety now, imagine how bad it will be if you end up with pvp, pvps, sexual side effects, low T, or more anxiety in general.

I see you posting in threads talking about unilateral, or bilateral orchiectomy as a first option for pain, and that’s just rediculas. I recall you saying that ending up with sexual side effects as an outcome would be some sort of blessing in the past, and that’s just rediculas to man. I can’t comprehend how either of these two outcomes would be beneficial to your current situation.

I say you need to shit or get off the pot. All your threads, and posts about getting a vasectomy over the last 9-12~ months have pissed multiple people off already. There has to be some sort of end to this. If you do decide to have a vasectomy, please do not come back here complaining if shit happens. Nobody is gonna want to hear it.


#78

i think i might as well go for it. Living life alone is pretty crappy. the 17 your talking about is mild life long pain . i think after my reasearch its like 1-5 percent have serious life long pain. My dad was part of that 17 percent said it felt like he was sore from being kicked in the balls for the rest of his life. He stil lived life. I figure if i dont work for like 2 months. dont ride motorcycles anymore an dont have lift weights again i could further reduce the risk.


#79

Bravo @rickydicky! Go with your gut feeling and don’t look back!