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Wife wants me to get a vasectomy


#46

See how I view it is like this…
20, 20, 20, 20, 20
20% you get slightly better
20% you get better or no pain
20% you stay the same
20% you get slightly worse
20% you get far worse

I am not a gambler. I hate Vegas. Like hate it. I don’t bet on anything. I know, no fun! But I just don’t see the odds being in favor. And I could even break these down more and make it a 1 in 10 if I wanted. But I simplified it.

If that were the case, why is no one talking about it? Why are so many people on here with issues from reversal?

I am a very black and white person. I don’t get into the maybes. never have. I’ve been screwed too many times by the maybes. Hell, I’been screwed too many times by the definitelys!

Just my opinion of course


#47

I think you are seeing more of the bottom end that had problems with their reversal recovery’s, haven’t got there yet, etc.

My first reversal was very challenging for the first 6 months or better. It was a first to. The vas experience wipes a man out enough, and I think the reversal recovery can be harder than expected.

Weird that I am the only guy posting about having gone through two reversals. I know there are more out there, but my second reversal wasn’t nearly as painful as my second. I recovered so much better the second time.

There could be something to that. Idk why my first was so much worse. Best guesses are, my second was a bit less invasive. They didn’t have to dig, and find my upper vas’s 2nd time. I also did not have a sperm granuloma where I had been repaired the first time. Idk, many reasons to consider.


#48

This doctor claims to heal PVPS at a 92% clip… He suffered from it as well and goes on to explain his theories as to why.

I don’t know where he is located but probably worth reaching out to


#49

While this is interesting, I have a couple comments regarding my own case.

I have had two vasectomy reversals fail in less than 3 years. That is over 20k alone including everything. They were both done by respected pvps reversal microsurgeons here in America.

Also, he doesn’t include someone like myself that had a pre existing condition. In my case, mine was non symptomatic/dormant at the time of my vas.

This video is more on reversal for pain. It doesn’t include the others who move on to microsurgical de-nervation of some sort.

These statistics give men hope, no doubt about that.

In my case, I am better on a filed reversal, than I was vasectomy, and leaking.


#50

The dude is in the UK!!!


#51

Yea, the surgery over there may be cheaper and a plane ticket over is only 500-1000… Worth the money if he can in fact help of course.


#52

yeah but i don’t think it would be comfortable sitting on a plane for 6 to 12 hours for the ride home.


#53

You do realize most/many of us did take a flight and have a corrective surgery rite? Going there is one thing, coming back is challenging. I had several layovers coming back. Was the first time I’d been on a plane to.

You/anyone best have some meds, and something like Xanax is helpful. I also had my wife. She was helpful to. I had an ice lace on both sides of my groin/boys the entire way back. Had to change out my ice, etc etc.

I know of several men that flew to see Dr Marks solo. One of them parked himself in the Ramada for 2 weeks.


#54

Yeah the flight sucked. I was afraid I was going to hurt myself flying and sitting on the plane. It was not fun. One thing I remember distinctly was being ravished. I had the hugest craving for red meat after my surgery. I remember inhaling a burger during a layover. The entire experience was not pleasant. I was in a lot of pain flying out. Sitting was just that bad for me prior to surgery. For me it was a no brainer. Live and die in agony or get it done. I’m at least at work now. I think denervation would not have done squat for me. I think getting the scarred up ends out helped me the most. They were causing massive problems with nerve irritation.


#55

Oh I know. I thought of it if I get it done here and how I would make it work. And I have people I could stay with in the UK. So I could do that. But who really wants too?
Same with a hotel for two weeks.

That’s kind of my thing. A reversal could be $20k when everything is done expenses wise.

I hate flying in coach. I have done it way too many times. Every chance I get I upgrade. Business class out of the UK is an additional $1000. First class, $2000! So when you are done with the stay and flight and everything, the costs to HOPEFULLY get better is just insane!

Yeah, I know there is a chance of getting better. But like i’ve said before, I hate risks. And I am someone who’s used prototype parts I know full well could break while riding. I could be hauling down a hill at 60+mph on a bike with tires 3/4" wide on prototype rims or whatever, and I am fine with it. Cause I know I BUILT IT. I know my skills and abilities. I’ve done it before. Is there a worry, yeah, but nothing like leaving things in someone else’s hands. Thats the risk I don’t like the idea of taking.

I have an appt with Dr Sabanegh at the Clinic in October. I really wanted to see Dr Silber in STL. But he doesn’t even want to hear the letters PVPS. Trying to figure out how to sneak in to see him. He’s the founder of reversals. World renowned. He’s gotta know something. I hope anyways.


#56

I would call Dr Marks the king of pvps reversals before anyone. I can’t tell you how many he has done for pvps, but it’s is a lot. Bet it’s considerably more than most pvps reversal microsurgons. The guy has thousands of reversals under his belt for fertility alone. He is a great resource to talk with far as what kind of situations he has seen better outcomes with.


#57

I don’t know how many who ever has. I just know Silber did the first one ever and invented the techniques. He doesn’t even talk about PVPS. He only talks about fertility. When I called they were like, if you want to see him for fertility issues, sure. For PVPS, no. That really hit me how much doctors just don’t care about this problem.


#58

Michael- I agree with the “call Dr Marks” advice. I’d go see him or Dr P in Florida. There is not much use messing around with local docs


#59

Please don’t let your wife pressure you into this. The risk of regretting it is simply too much.

Ask her one question…how would she feel, now today, if she was told you can’t have sex again. How would she cope being celibate?

The answer she gives, if honest, will hopefully make her sit up and reevaluate her thought processes.

I regret this every day, the pain hurts me everyday, not being able to make love cripples me every day, the stress of losing my job is so heavy, the inability to have a social life hurts badly.

I blamed my wife horribly initially and was so resentful of her but over time I realised it wasn’t her fault…All she asked me to do was consider options. No pressure at all, but the pressure was there in a way seeing her struggle with pill and in pain with coil. I couldn’t let her go on like that so I decided to go for vasectomy based on being told there was no long term risk to my health.

My wife I love so much, she has been supportive and loving and understanding. Many are not so lucky and their wives leave because they can’t handle the partners pain or can’t handle the lack of sex.

My loathing and bitterness towards the medical profession is endless however.

After 3.5 years life is total hell.

If your wife asked you to put your hand in a fire would you do it? Probably not, so don’t let her force you into this.

I might be totally wrong but if she’s like this now how do you think she’ll be after it all goes wrong? Lack of understanding and support now can only lead to huge issues when it goes wrong?

Whatever you decide best of luck but it has to be what YOU decide is best for you, your health and future life


#60

Yah that is a tough situation but I like some of the things others here have said like:

“wives are not forever but screwing up your body is”

“don’t let her pressure you”

I am a bit of an oddball in that my spouse situation was reversed. In that I was the one who wanted a V and my wife is very against all elective surgeries. So I had her resenting ME for doing it and ending up with PVPS. As a big result her body got jacked up when she had to tote/carry/deal with our kiddos (2 and 4 at the time) - she still has pain issues from that - over 5 years ago now.

It sounds crappy but tell everyone to F-off that give you crap. Refer them to this page and others have even offered to have their spouses talk to yours - offer your wife that and see what she says.

Ringo said there aren’t many people with reversals chiming in. I had one, after a LOT of research with Dr Marks (my story is in the surgical section). Luckily it was successful and [knock on wood] I have been pain free for the past 5+ years.

Everyone I have known who has had a reversal has gotten partial or usually complete pain relief. The trick is keeping the reversal from failing. One theory of mine is a lot of guys (people on this rock these days in general) are not healthy and eating a very high inflammation diet/life style. This is one of the big reasons, I think, why the reversals fail. Luckily for me I was on a health seeking road and I think that is one thing that really kept me open.

It sucks being on the side you are on in that you haven’t done anything yet (had the V). Because at that point it’s all about ‘the odds’. But once you go through it and possibly develop PVPS everyone doesn’t give you shit as much when you are pissed off all the time curled up on the couch because you are in constant pain.

Overall IMHO it’s not worth the risk. I like a previous reply - what if airplanes had a 10% accident rate or cars etc … that would be considered unacceptable.

FWIW I had about 3 friends/co-workers that I talked with about their V. Out of the 3 of them 2 of them had PVPS symptoms. One took 6 months to be pain free and another friend took 2 years. But both of their pain was gradually decreasing. I was in the opposite boat. My pain came on and got worse and worse around the 6 month post-V mark. That is also something I researched and did an informal poll on. Getting a V is like pulling the pin on a grenade - you don’t know if/when you will let go and it will blow up. Meaning there are a lot of men who developed PVPS anywhere from immediately to 20 years later!!


#61

Well stated. Congrats on getting relief from the reversal. I tend to believe reversal is a good first surgery even prior to denervation. I think a lot of complications can be traced to being in a vasectomized state for some men. Not all men, of course. I was talking with my dentist about this, and his comment was “all that protein in the bloodstream can’t be good.”

I’m suffering from what I believe is a relapse of neuropathic pain. I’d feel more confident if my sperm counts were higher, but my new uro and GP say my epi’s are flat, flaccid, and not tender on exam. Not conclusive, but considering my pain started after a bike ride, I’m willing to bet it’s nerve pain.

Your comments are spot on about vasectomy. WAY understated statistics on risks. Let’s face it, who knows where the 1-2% stat comes from. So many men just deal with it and recover in 6 months or a few years. Are they counted? If we define chronic pain as pain lasting 3-6 months, I’d bet my mortgage that it’s 10-15%.


#62

@egomes2107 any progress on explaining the why?


#63

Haven’t really had to. My wife has been cool with me lately and even jokes with me about it… I can still feel something is there about it but I dont feel its going to be something that is going to effect our relationship all that much and we will get over it.

Although she is disappointed, she knows she wouldnt be pressured into something like this either and that I would never pressure her into doing something she was uncomfortable with.

We have these mutual friends we hang out with, I know the next time we are there it will come up because my buddys wife thought it was ridiculous that I backed out. I will use that to get into much greater detail about it all.


#64

I wouldnt pressure her either though. It’s the main reason I did what I did thought it was safer for me. But it wasn’t.


#65

Not at all, I already told her I didn’t want surgery for either of us and I’m good with condoms… Ball is in her court, she is free to do whatever she wants