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Wife wants me to get a vasectomy


#1

My wife wants me to get the snip. I went through the process blissfully ignorant of the risks and muttering yes dear as I walked into the doctors office. Got my consult and of course nothing was mentioned of any long term pain.

Decided to start looking into the procedure online since I research everything but for some reason this topic I just didn’t. Well soon after discovering PVPS the potential high risk of 10-15% of getting the mild to moderate end of the spectrum I was like heeeelllll nah. This shit wasnt even my idea, no way I am taking that amount of risk. I dont want anymore children but the idea of more children doesnt scare me like it does my wife.

I went to reddit and of course got shamed by all the feminists on there and was told of this site so here I am.

My wife is extremely disappointed in my decision, she is now not really speaking to me all that much. Her stance is the surgical option is the only choice and if its not me then her… but if its her there will probably be lots of resentment.

not sure what to do


#2

SH_Vasectomy_FactSheet.pdf (331.4 KB)

Share this site with her share these two docs. If she still wants you to do it then somethings wrong with her.


#3

I’m not sure what you should do either, but don’t risk it.

Risk of, chronic pain, discomfort, a jacked orgasm, all of a sudden you have prostate problems, and on, and on the list of things that can happen. A jacked orgasm is almost a guarantee. You might end up being one of them that can tell your boy’s are disconnected, and I’m not talking about just when you get yours.

Sounds like damned if you do, and damned if you don’t to me. Not sure where you are at in life, but it will always be your life, and body. It’s not something you should roll the dice on, let alone have your wife convince you to do it. There are many men that end up divorced over a vasectomy.

Vasectomy is really dumb. If you end up with pvps, discomfort, or side effects, who will resent who then? In the end, you will have to live with it. Nobody else.

Don’t think a vasectomy reversal will save you should you change your mind. They aren’t risk free either, and cost about 8-10K. Your body simply won’t be the same after the vasectomy. No way to go back and change your mind. Ever.

Stand your ground! Do you think most of us ran out and got a snip because it sounded cool? Nope, was usually the wife. If educating her doesn’t do the trick, IDK bro.


#4

@egomes2107

I was in the exact same position as you except I didn’t do the research. And i regret it every day. That and going thru with it.

I kept being told how my father in law and so many others my wife and her family know who’ve done it and it was fine. No big deal. Well, I am the unlucky one. I got hit with it and have had pain for 2 1/2 years. Many on here are over the decade mark!

I still have my wife and her family and friends who claim I am fine. Because they don’t SEE the pain, there is no pain. Which is commonly said by Urologists out there you see when you are trying to get your second, fifth or more opinion so you can figure out what to do.

OH! And the number, it’s closer to 33%! There are multiple sources who put the stats of people in pain after a vasectomy at 33%.
In the end it is what it is. But DONT GET IT DONE!!!

Whatever you do, don’t! You will regret it and your marriage will suffer. Mine is. I blame my wife every single day. Yes, I blame the Uro who did this to me, but I never ever wanted to get one. She pushed me. Every day. Every single day she mentioned it. She never let it go. And had it as a get one or get nothing again. Which I got one, and I haven’t gotten any in a year! I sleep on the sofa. I hate my marriage and life right now.

I can’t do any of the things I did before. I can’t play with my little kids. My wife makes comments like why am I not playing with the kids knowing full well I can’t. She treats me like shit. She constantly ignores the pain and issues I have. In fact when I am in pain and she is near, she walks away.

Oh, and the pain meds…Don’t work. So I am in pain like being kicked in the balls all day long. And then, every so often, someone takes and tasers me in the balls. Super enjoyable!!

So if you REALLY want a life like this…get a vasectomy. Go ahead. Take the 1 in 3 chance. See what happens.

But personally, If I HAD a choice( I didn’t really the first time), I would never have gotten it done.

OH, and send me the link to the reddit site. I would love to tell them my story and let them say how my wife gave birth and sacrificed for me. And it’s my turn now.


#6

Stay strong and don’t do something you don’t want to. You’re not the one that created this situation - it’s your wife’s ultimatum. Having been pressured into one it will always create some resentment for you if you do, which will only be amplified if you have issues.

Plus, read the AUA guidelines for a vasectomy. Although it downplays risks it tells urologists to make sure it’s something both spouses want. Bring your wife to the consult and tell the doctor that she’s pressuring you and that you are reluctant. If he’s following the guidelines he will recommend against it. You wouldn’t get a tattoo if you didn’t want one do why do something that is permanent and drastically impacts your body if you don’t really want it.


#7

Trust your instincts. Sure, 90% of guys do OK with it, but what if only 90% of planes landed safely or 90% of cars started when one turned the key. 10% should be unacceptable.

Worse yet, most urologists (99%) have no idea how to treat someone with PVPS. Their ignorance quickly turns to arrogance and respond with “it couldn’t possibly be my surgery, so it must be in your head.”

I’m in the success story category in that I had a reversal 10 years ago and have been mostly pain free. I just recently had a relapse of pain, but it seems to be going away, but the pain meds gave me diarrhea which gave me a hemorrhoid that likely needs surgery. Beyond the pain, getting treated for PVPS is a budget buster.

Obviously, the group of us is biased, just like the feminNazis are biased in favor of vasectomy. The difference is they don’t bear the risk. They claim that they bear the risk of childbirth. While dangerous, childbirth is a natural human process (and God-given if you’re a religious type); vasectomy opposes nature and the natural state.


#8

If she’s the one who doesn’t want children, she’s the one who should get snipped.


#9

I posted my story over there. Clezuck

Read it. Might help with the wife. Never know.


#13

No worries on my story. It is what it is.
I tried to put it all on one post but they said it was past the 10000 character mark.


#14

If you love your wife and more importantly if she loves you, she’ll let you make your own decision.

My wife I think would give anything to have me back the way I was before I developed chronic pain.

Your wife has as much or possibly more to lose than you.

This is not political, religious, it’s just based on black swan experience. I am sitting at my desk typing this in pain as we speak.

Condoms aren’t fun but they don’t cause lifetime pain and bitterness.


#15

Yep, i have the pinching and full feeling as we speak :disappointed:


#16

Wow, the vitriol towards egomes on that Reddit thread is crazy. I saw another Reddit thread once where a guy was saying that the PVPS stuff is actually driven by a secret religious agenda against birth control. It feels like people think men deserve some sort of pain as retaliation for childbirth. As if childbirth wasn’t literally the natural biological reason the species perpetuates. Worst comparison ever.


#17

I think if your even on this board researching this, you know not to do this. I am not telling you this just thinking out loud. I regret my vas every day of my life big time ! I was lucky and found help with a reversal but now I am fertile again.


#18

I may have my wife send you a comment. Maybe it will help?

I think she just doesn’t get the severity of what this could be. There’s no way to know if it will happen or not. PVPS can settle in any number of years after the procedure. .

This book lays out the how the system works. The question is (based on the information therein) why don’t all guys hurt?

Good luck, hang in there.

This was my reply:

Wow. You received quite the response.

I have had PVPS. It could return, as the nerves could grow back. I got lucky and discovered Dr. Parekattil in FL. This was after I went through a reversal and painful 2 year recovery from that (oh yeah, insurance wouldn’t cover the reversal, so we paid $10k out of pocket). I was lucky in that denervation can have a bad outcome as well as good. The V is every bit as dangerous as you have discovered.

No matter what the haters out there say, the logic looks like this:
premise: 1% incidence <----stated by American Urological Association
premise: severity is very high
premise: they don’t know how to fix it

Correct Conclusion: this is not worthwhile.

I would realize that it’s not fair for either partner to suffer, neither side should be expected to carry the burden. Find a way through it.

On this thread, it’s amazing how quickly people take sides. None of you understand how much pain this really causes, money spent, depression, etc. Not being able to pick up my 3 year old, until he was 6…

The 15-20% is a figure on less severe outcomes. Generally, these guys will heal within a years time, given enough rest. But during that time you will be nearly if not just as debilitated as the 1%.

Yeah, this is one 1% group no one should belong to.


#20

I literally researched this stuff one week before my actual procedure. Most people probably don’t find out about it till after its done but I am so glad I did.

It may have gone smoother at home if I researched and made my decision earlier than one week before the procedure but nonetheless I am being shamed about my decision on multiple fronts.

My mother in law who I love called me a chicken the other day lol


#21

My mother in law did the same to me. A best friend that’s 20 years senior to me done the same. I hated these people for years afterwards. Took some work to be around them again. I was like many in the sense that, my wife used every guy she knew that was seemingly ok afterwards to influence me to do the same.

My wife would do anything to go back, and change all this. So would I.


#22

Wives are temporary and vasectomies are forever. I resent my wife for pushing me into this and I can’t ever imagine forgiving her. Women in our society are in such a hurry to disfigure our genitalia… remember how all of the women’s shows had a great laugh when some crazy woman cut off her husband’s penis??? My brotherly advice is to put your marriage into context with your health. The day you walk into the doctors office for this terrible surgery could be the last pain-free day of your life. Is she worth it?


#23

@egomes2107 @RingoStar

My mother in law still mentions how it was a nothing surgery. But then it doesn’t help when everyone around you says you are making it up or you are really fine.

My wife just told me she’s mad I am not wanting to do more with the family. And it’s like, ummm…you know why!!!

Anyways, yeah, don’t get it. Stick to that. If the wife has an issue, show her stuff. Show her my story. Just realize divorce hurts a lot less than surgery that can ruin your life. And yeah, the chances of walking out without PVPS is 50/50. But really, you want to take that chance?
That’s why I haven’t done surgery yet. Chances are too great for the same or more issues.


#24

The risk is not worth it. I, like many people here, have considered it the worst decision of my life. I will never be the same. The strain on your career, marriage and life are not worth it. Tell her you’ll wear condoms, keep your body like God made it and be done with it. After finding this site you should not even consider it. Yeah it only takes 15 minutes but in 15 minutes they could cut your arm off too. its been over three years for me and a reversal that failed and I would love to go more than a few hours without thinking “my nuts hurt” It is not worth the risk.


#25

My wife would be happy to talk to the wife of the OP and give the perspective of what she’s gone through with me.

I take no glee in saying this, but my dose of PVP pales in comparison to many on here, and it’s still been THE formative event of my adult life. I know I suffer from some form of PTSD from the mind-numbing pain I felt 10 years ago and in the two relapses of, presumably, nerve pain.

My vasectomy problem was also a formative event for my wife. Like me, she counsels anyone she can talk with about doing unnatural things to your body, be it vasectomy or other so-called “safe” optional surgeries.

I should’ve known I’d draw the short straw. Five years before my vasectomy nightmare, I developed a trigeminal neuralgia and TMJ all from having a silver filling replaced that didn’t need to be touched. The dentist was filling the adjacent molar and said, hey, while you’re numb, why don’t I replace this old silver filling? A year and $10,000 later, the pain finally went away.

Doctors play the probabilities. The problem is they don’t have to have a strategy or set of solutions if the odds work against them or, more importantly, their patients.