I hear you brother. I also think you are wise to be learning as much as possible, getting your ducks in a row, etc, etc far as before you consider making a surgical move. I've seen many rush into it, and make mistakes, and/or regret their choices. That includes myself.
Don't give up on this, you could turn your life around. I have lost jobs over this myself. I managed to make a pretty big come back in time. Of course, it took medications to pull that off, but I did it. I'm not the same as my pre vas self (pre pvp/s self), regardless, I came a long ways. I used to think I would end up disabled. I was all messed up, like I had been in a bad car accident.