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What would you say to someone that doesn’t believe vasectomy is harmful and you are the extreme exceptions?


#1

My partner is confident vasectomy is safe and has no health consequences that will affect him. He says he trusts his long-time doctor’s assurance above everything I show him.
Sending him research articles is pointless, so I thought if I write a personal post he might get curious and read it.
I tried to spoon-feed him some easy to understand common sense explanations yet he thought I’m sending him joke stuff on the Internet…Never mind that there are research publications and doctors on the Internet.
He’s angry that I don’t support this and he’s given me ultimatum that he doesn’t want to hear more about my “pessimism” and the “extreme minority” spreading hate and negativity on the internet…and that pisses me off more so I’m here for my frustration!
How do you deal with the arrogance of “this is not going to happen to me” and “I trust my doctor” above all?
Based on my careful assessment there is no way this is completely safe and without underlying consequences.
How do you prove this to someone with dismissive attitude and confidence that his doctor knows best above all on the Internet including the “negative” research studies and experts?


#2

I wish someone warned before I had my vasectomy @Frustrated , I was a very healthy, super fit, very active and happy person in my previous life. Sex was great, now non existent. I am now 1 testicle less, 2 years of depression, anxeity and constant suicide thoughts and post recent reversal. I hope I can be 75% myself again and can put this whole nightmare behind me. In hindsight, I’d rather father another 3 children. Just don’t do it, use condoms and live a happy life.


#3

My nhs surgeon told me other week its 17 percent risk of longterm chronic pain and he see’s it day in and out…its madness


#4

Thanks for feedback. What are some other stats you’ve been told?


#5

Thanks for feedback. What are some other statistics you’ve been told?


#6

It’s a terrible idea, a lot of guys posted good stats all over this forum. I was fine for over a year after vas, and then things turned sour very quickly, many posts of guys developing issues 5, 10 and even 20 years later. There is another fellow poster who had reversal after suffering for 20 years.

Honestly, I was involved in a terrible crash before, had multiple broken bones, whiplash, 2 hours of plastic surgery on my face to stitch me, and that was nothing in comparison what I’m going through now.

Have a read through this post Considering vasectomy


#8

I am assuming you are the wife and you are married. In Marriage, it has been written that, “the two will become one flesh”… Based on this what he does to his flesh is as if he does to your flesh.
You perceive danger with vasectomy and justified you are.
You need to communicate in your marriage. Tell him like any big decision i.e. buying a house, moving to another state… both parties have to move together in agreement.

If he wants to move forward without you then you must insist on going to counseling. Talk to a therapist. Talk about how you think this could really hurt him and in turn could devastate your marriage. Or go talk to your priest, pastor, or rabbi,…


#9

We are not married. I love him to death though and are worried, but he doesn’t care. I care about his well-being more than he does.


#10

I could write so much. If its not broke don’t fix it


#11

I should have picked up on your usage of the word partner instead of husband, my mistake.

There is a Seinfeld episode that is about vasectomies. There is a guy who is dating Elaine who gets a vasectomy only to seek a reversal at the end of the episode. Also at the end Kramer Jerry and Newman all go to get vasectomies, but when Kramer comes out of the doctor’s office in pain Jerry and Newman look at each other and run like hell out of the doctor’s office. I recall seeing the episode years and years ago, but didn’t give thought to it at the time. I wish I had.

Best wishes!


#12

Well, the good news is that it isn’t a problem for most men. I consulted with several of my friends before getting one and didn’t believe there would be a problem.

The bad news is that it’s far riskier than anyone says. Your guy is going to feel like a fool if he finds himself in and out of clinics looking for relief. At least he won’t resent you for pushing him.


#13

To quote another guy on this board:

Every medical procedure has a risk and a potential downside. Make sure the benefit of the procedure is worth the risk of living with the downside.

Applying this to a vasectomy: The risk of a vasectomy is post vasectomy pain syndrome (PVPS). It’s NOT curable and varies from discomfort to debilitating pain. The minimum medically accepted risk for PVPS is 1 in 33 vasectomies. 6 out of 100 seek further medical assistance drugs therapy more surgery. Not good odds at all if you ask me.

As an otherwise healthy individual walking into the doctor’s office, is the benefit of being sterile worth the risk of living permanently with a possibly debilitating condition, losing most or all of your quality of life?

It’s LIFE long pain. If you roll the dice and lose… not worth it .
I’d take 4 more kids over how I feel everyday. It sucks…


#15

I wouldn’t go as far as saying pvps is not curable. More like there’s a whole array of different types of pvps, and many possible treatments. Treatment’s range from conservative, to surgical. From not so aggressive surgery’s, to aggressive surgery’s, etc.

Some guys get lucky and hit home runs with treatment’s, some don’t. Recovery’s from surgical procedures can really suck. They can take far longer, and be far more challenging than anyone can imagine, and/or anticipate beforehand.

Many surgeon’s give men recovery timelines that are to short far as treatment’s go (including vasectomy itself). Men need to know where to draw the line, and continue to stay conservative despite what others are telling them, including their doctor’s/uro’s, etc.

I have managed to get very close to pain free over many years of surgical, and conservative treatments (a lot of live and learn the hard way in the years gone by). I do worry that I may relapse one day, and try to take things one day at a time.

I certainly wouldn’t recommend vasectomy to anyone, but if men make informed decisions to move forward, and take the risk, that’s fine. If they went into the vasectomy completely informed beforehand, I don’t see where my opinion regarding what they should do matters.

Chronic pain can create a multitude of problems for people in general. Problems with relationships, jobs, their mental state, their entire lives, etc. As long as people understand the risks in their entirety, once again, I don’t see where my opinion far as what people should do matters.

Good luck with all of this OP.


#16

@Frustrated, there’s a dedicated thread on this site regarding “sexual side effects”, and the thread is titled just that. It’s probably worth a read to.

I’m not suggesting your partner will suffer the same as many that posted in that thread, but it certainly happens, and the side effects seem to vary man to man on many levels including symptoms, intensity, etc. Do men get better over time? I’d say some do, and some don’t.

All the best.


#17

@Frustrated close to pain free is still not pain free, and those who get pain free will more than likely tell you that if they still had to do it again even though the end results somewhere down the road the get to be pain free and sterile I BET they wouldn’t. Irishguy says he’s pain free after almost three years I bet he wouldn’t go thru those three years again if he had a time machine. If your married both of you should be all in or he just shouldn’t do it. Cause in the end you are stuck with him.


#18

Well if your dude is not scared by a reasonable chance of life long pain. What can you do? If I could turn one life event back I don’t have to think twice. Vasectomy was my most stupid dicision ever. Docters told me there was no risk and I believe them on their blue eyes. I have had severe pain, could not even take a hike let alone biking, swimming etc. I’ve had vas reversal which means a long recovery, no income and well it reverses the initial vasectomy. So do the math it was all for nothing. Just a screwed up live. Maybe your dude is more a finacial driven guy. Cause when shit hits the fan it ain’t cheap. I worked less for a few years and it’s way above the 100k line. And everymonth I pay for my testosterone gel till I am dead so still counting. Or maybe he will listen to the sexual possible downside. Diminshed sexual orgasm, very pain full testicals on the touch. Well I could go on and on here. I hope you can pursuade him not to do it. GL


#19

@Frustrated,

If a guy is motivated to get a vasectomy and wants one without any outside influence then he is less likely to have regrets and psychological issues if he has a bad outcome. You are doing your due diligence and warning him. Give him the printed AUA, CUA, and NHS statistics on pain. Print them out and give them to him. That’s all you can do.

The 17 out of 100 that have issues will always be shouted down by the other 83 out of 100. It has to do with male psychology and the politics of birth control which are driven by gender/identity politics and the fact the fertility industry is a lucrative one. It’s just the dynamic. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s just the dynamic. It’s also impossible to imagine how bad it can be unless it happens to you.

He’ll probably be okay.

May I ask what your concern is? Are you against it in general? I know there are women who find it gross and sterilized males less appealing in general. You seem to simply have his well being in mind but you can be honest here and plumb those feelings. This is a good place to do that.

I just want to add this disclaimer for any casual readers. The main mission here is that we are a support site for men with post vasectomy pain. We provide emotional and practical support. We aren’t doctors, just guys who have gone through this and we chronicle our collective experience here so people can read our stories and hopefully make the most informed decision about what they can do to try to get better or deal with their pain.

In general, people should not be coming here to ask advice about getting a vasectomy. The answer of course will be, No. You are welcome here but to anyone reading this, that is not our mission. We are not an “anti-vasectomy” site. We are a support site. Of course we will have an anti-vasectomy bias. For men it worked out for, that’s great. Good for them.-


#20

Let me throw one more piece of rather personal experience out here:

Do you and you man like to involve his testicles in your sexual play? That’s an area where you may notice the vasectomy the most. My wife used to play with me all the time and she would squeeze me to just before the threshold of pain. Those days are over and she now has to treat me like glass. Even if your man recovers well and doesn’t have PVPS, he will be more susceptible to injury down there because of the pressure that will forever be in his system. Men have had PVPS symptoms appear many years later after a blow to the nuts or something as innocuous as a bike ride.


#21

The overall ethos of the procedure is, “yes we cut and cap off the entire male reproductive system so that is slowly destroys itself from the inside. But hey, it doesn’t seem to bother most men from a pain standpoint.”

The fact that is doesn’t seem to cause most men pain should be the least of his concerns. You are basically cutting a bunch of nerves and sealing up the exit for organs whose only job is to make sperm cells to pass out of the body.


#22

Well, we wouldn’t ejaculate if that were true. But, we are capping off the part that is always producing whether we’re aroused or not.