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Volunteers for moderator?


#1

Anyone want to volunteer to help moderate the forum?

I think the fair way of doing this is for people to volunteer and for the community to nominate volunteers.


#2

I think Mike or Ringo or Aschiro just to name a few would be good for this position they have been around a long time and are very helpful people. Any of the long timers on this forum would be great. Thankyou.


#3

My vote would be for @Choohooo or @Acschiro. They’ve been around awhile (sadly), offer good unbiased information, and often respond in a clear, impassive manner.


#4

I think this is a great idea, but I certainly will not nominate myself, and/or force myself upon this community.

I feel I unloaded a lot recently far as some of what I’ve been seeing on here all to regularly that could certainly use some moderation. I’ve been seeing that kind of stuff all to often, and it reminds me of the yahoo group.

Guys like myself like to have rules in place, and I like to see people follow them rules. I come from a different era far as I used to belong to a forum in the past that had absolutely no rules. It had a lot of turmoil, and issues, and that kind of stuff doesn’t help anyone.

When this place came online many years ago, I personally sent @victor an email thanking him for having a FAQ section, and rules that clearly outlined rules of conduct, etc, but unfortunately, I don’t see the rules being enforced.

This is not a men’s club. This is not a place to come unload eff bombs in sentences, or in rants of frustration all the time. This is not a place to unload personal problems at home all the time. It’s not a place to flame on people when you see something, or someone you don’t like. Nobody should be making up the rules for themselves as they go, especially when they clearly violate the FAQ.

A lot of what I say that goes beyond the FAQ is common sense, and has been learned the hard way over time since 2010. I see a lot of the same ole things that plagued the yahoo forum going on here, and I have pointed many of them out recently.

This forum should not be representative of the past. I would hope that we as a community could learn from those mistakes, apply them to the future, and do better. Some of us do not want to see the plagues, strife’s, and problems of the past to continue to plague others on this site as well. They are counterproductive, amongst many other things.


#5

Also, whomever may be chosen, or volunteers to be a moderator needs to have a balanced perspective of pvps. They should not be imposing their own ideologies of, imposing what they learned from one pvps doc imperticularly, or regarding, and/or re-defining pvps, corrective procedures, and so on as a whole.

I see a lot of that going on here as well. Let’s stick with what we know, and what we can prove, until we can prove otherwise.


#6

Two excellent choices.

Whoever is selected, I would just suggest that less is more.

There have been very few instances where I feel moderation is needed here. The thread that initiated this one doesn’t qualify IMO. I see the following issues as needing to be addressed by a moderator.

  1. Shutting down marketers. People selling goods or services under false pretenses (pretending to be one of us).
  2. Shutting down trolls (people who don’t have pvps but seem to want to pick a fight with everyone here). We seem to have had a lot of guys come on here like this->“I was worried but I don’t have PVPS, I think you guys are full of it.” They then proceed to attack us as faking or having an agenda etc… People like that don’t really belong here.
  3. Shutting down talk of violence or implied violence. This is a huge one. I think the line is fairly clear but if there is one area where we should err on the side of caution it’s here.
  4. Talk of self harm. This has happened. I don’t really know what a moderators role here is. Certainly telling that person to call 911 or to go immediately to the nearest emergency room is what everyone here should do but beyond that I don’t know what a moderators role is. I think this is an important question.

This board does a pretty good job of moderating itself without the need for heavy handed censorship but intervention is required from time to time. It’s everyone’s job to not be a dick. Myself included or course. Inciting or encouraging rows, making derogatory or disparaging comments that are unnecessarily provocative or personal is, well, being a dick.

It was suggested on another thread that our sharing our experiences might be dangerous and akin to being prescriptive or giving medical advice. I have tried to understand and appreciate that angle and I believe it has some merit, however, if we get to the point where we are afraid to share our own experiences and opinions then I’m not sure what good this board does.


#7

I agree with this statement. Towards the end of the thread, things did get somewhat personal, but the general thoughts and ideas presented were helpful. Basically, everyone who visits this website needs to realize these are opinions and personal experiences. It is inherently up to the individuals, their families and healthcare providers as to what steps you will take regarding your care.


#8

Over the last year, I’ve seen at least one guy come here and post that he made out ok post vas. I don’t recall him ever saying, or implying that anyone here was full of it either. That poor guy got cussed out bad by several members on here, and they received many likes for that kind of behavior. Far as I’m concerned, all this cussing people out on here needs to stop.

There was another not to long ago, he seems to be ok too, and had other issues he was asking for input on. I was the first to respond to him in a nice manner knowing what others may do to him. I didn’t want to see him get ripped to shreds either.

People that try to sell stuff, etc don’t need to be greeted with eff bombs either. They need to be dealt with in a professional manner, and by someone that actually has the authority to do something about it.

I personally think self moderation is a mistake. It’s cliquish, it’s self serving, it’s generally based on people’s opinions, or personal feelings at any given moment. It’s a lot of things that don’t work in places that are supposed to be civilized, and are supposed to work for the majority.

This place is no different far as cliquish as was the yahoo group, and probably always will be no matter what happens. We are all different, and many base their opinions about people, or even whom should be a moderator on a person’s text/tone, things they have experienced, or have in common, etc, etc.


#9

Thanks but no thanks. I only visit the website now when I get a post forwarded to my email that has@acschiro on it. I’m glad to answer anyone’s questions, but I don’t search or read the topics anymore.


#10

I’ve enabled moderator permissions for @Choohooo, @RingoStar, @Worriedwife1, @MikeO and @Kyvas. I based those choices on this thread and based on who has actually read massive amounts of content on the forum.

I think we all know what the basic ground rules are:

  • be civil, not a jerk
  • discussions and debate is welcome
  • zero tolerance policy to inciting violence
  • refer people to professionals when they need mental health support
  • slander is not the same thing as criticism. Use a dictionary if you don’t know the difference
  • Facts > Opinions
  • be kind to one another

As always, give me a shout if something seems to have gone off the rails for conduct.

And remember - we are here to support each other and to provide as much fact and information as possible. Opinions are valuable, but they should not be mistaken for hard evidence.

Science isn’t just a way of knowing things - it’s a way for us to prune out incorrect ideas and reach towards knowledge.


#11

These are some interesting picks @victor. I’m not sure the point of 5 new moderators, but it’s certainly a diverse group of people, and that may be the way to do it.

Some of these members have only been around, or have even known the term pvps for a matter of months, a year, etc now. While this may be the case, nevertheless, I do value their opinions, and everyone else’s.

I’m hoping I never have to use “the powers of moderation”. If I did, I would consult with others first, as I have in the past. This place does a pretty good job far as self moderation, and I don’t like the idea of “heavy handed” moderation myself, but there are times when some moderation would be a good idea for the better of this community, it’s growth, it’s overall health, etc.

I feel I made my points far as things I would like to see get better over the past week or so. I would like to think all the chosen group moderators read what I had to say, and a lot of what I said is purely common sense.

Weather I’ve been actively involved in pvps forums, running my own website, or just a bystander, there’s a lot to be learned over time, and when others get way down the road as I am (nearly 8 years), they will likely see what I’m talking about (hopefully).

I don’t really have a lot more to say other than I would encourage men that have a hard time with their home life, the “blaming their wife thing”, and bringing that stuff into the open forum all the time, I just want you guys to know that you make it so much harder for men that have made progress with animosity, blame, shame, guilt, anger, etc, to stay on track, and stuff like that helps nobody, especially those that have made progress. Reading that stuff all the time actually makes some men relapse that have made a lot of progress with that kind of stuff, and it’s happened to me.

I see the word slander in the previous post, and how it’s not to be confused with criticism. While this may be true, my wife worked in the legal system here in the states for well over a decade, and when it comes to legal action for slander, anyone can sue if they beleive they have been a victim of slander.

When it comes to the legalities of slander vs criticism, nobody want to be on the receiving end if they are the one getting sued, unless you have a lot of money, and a lot of precious time to blow. In many cases, people concede because they cannot afford the legal fees, fines, etc involved with legal stuff.

I was actually taking with another member here regarding slander, so, it’s interesting it was mentioned in the previous post.

In my case, I don’t encourage anyone to release the name of their vasectomist, the provider’s name, etc. I don’t want to set anyone up for possible craziness. Far as I’m concerned, the vast majority of urologists that practice vasectomy are breaking the rules and are fully aware of it, and it’s not necessarily their fault for concealing the truth. It’s the system that governs them fault. That’s where change needs to happen, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon, if ever.


#12

Thanks Vic.

Ironically I have not been on the site much in the last week. I had a pain reprieve and when I’m good I don’t come here much. That should tell you the dynamic of this place. When you feel better it’s a natural response to leave. I’ll use the privilege judiciously and likely sparingly. I see it as an opportunity to reflect and be more responsible.

Your emphasis on kindness is very important. If we can’t be good to others we should not expect others to be kind to us either. To that I would only add that being humans we will disagree from time to time which is normal.


#13

Hi Victor

It’s interesting that you chose to shut down the thread that I started, dismissed me as troll, told me not to act the dick and then allowed the 2 principle people I was in discussion with to be become moderators.

Doesn’t exactly sound like a very democratic forum to me. A forum in which diverse opinions are tolerated.

I’ve had PVPS for nearly two and half years and it looks likely that it’s with me for the long haul at this stage. My approach, is to acknowledge it, compartmentalize it and move on with my life as well as I can.

I don’t believe that ruminating on it will help in any way.

I don’t believe that blaming doctors or suggesting there’s a conspiracy against men will help in any way. I know of at least 8 men who are absolutely delighted with the fact that they had a vasectomy. I just fell into the unlucky category - such is life.

I would avoid any elective surgery at all costs as the ‘gains’ are dubious and the potentiality for worsening the symptoms is significant.

I think it’s important to acknowledge any significant psychological distress that predated the Vasectomy and which is serving to make recovery more difficult. I stress that I don’t believe that the testicle pain is psychological in nature, but that one’s pre-existing psycho-emotional state will determine one’s ability to contain the adverse effects from spilling out into other areas of one’s life, e.g. marriage, relationship with children, work life.

There is a very useful theory in modern psychoanalysis, that is premised on the ‘decade of the brain’ research into how our brain actually functions (using MRI etc) that states that what remains ‘unknown’ or ‘denied’ - and which is actually located in the right side of the brain will become re-enacted endlessly in ‘model scenes’ in later life. The ‘theory of dissociated enactments’ involves - the infant who’s needs remained unmet becomes the raging man tilting endlessly at windmills, convinced that the windmills are the cause of his distress.


#14

First off - this isn’t a democracy. It’s a forum. Last time I checked - this website is hosted by me, and is paid for primarily by me - but also by the donations of people on this site.

I don’t believe that blaming doctors or suggesting there’s a conspiracy against men will help in any way. I know of at least 8 men who are absolutely delighted with the fact that they had a vasectomy. I just fell into the unlucky category - such is life.

@irishguy - you are making straw man arguments here.

That 8 people had no negative side effects is

  • great
  • not surprising at all

Nobody here is claiming that vasectomies ruin all men’s lives. The only claim I have ever made about vasectomies is that patients are not being given important information about the small, but high impact risks that may come with a vasectomy. Without that information - a patient cannot give informed consent.

If you really feel the need to ‘educate’ people on this topic and don’t feel welcome here, please - leave. I really don’t care about your opinion at this point.

This isn’t a publicly owned space where you can say and do whatever you want. This forum is a space that I own that I make available to the general public. There is a difference.

I’m happy that your level of pain is at a level where you can simply ignore it.

It is however entirely and grossly arrogant to make a claim that your level of pain, and pain tolerance is the same as all men with PVPS.

I have personally been suicidal when I had PVPS.
I have corresponded with men who have given up on life entirely because of it.
I have seen marriages collapse because couples could not handle the strain that chronic pain brings.

Cut your shit. This is the last time I’m warning you.

Maybe the forum you’re looking for is https://www.reddit.com/r/iamverysmart


#15

OK Victor.

Now I get it - it’s your site and your rules, paid for by people who contribute to it.

I’m sure you must be very proud of your creation and of your ability to call rank when it suits you!!

I’m in awe at your infinite power and vast intellect!!!

Well done and Good luck.


#16

Victor has done a great service for all of us. Taking shots at him makes you a dick, just like he said above.


#17

If even one person pauses before rushing into reversal surgery, then I’m happy with my contributions.

I’m 46 years old and don’t take exception to a primitive mechanism calling me a ‘dick’. I hadn’t realised that I’d wandered into a virtual school yard.

I need to get back to my busy life.


#18

I just want to add one thing to this.


#19

@irishguy, I will have you know that if I had moderator privileges in your acceptance thread, I wouldn’t have handled myself any differently.

Having moderator privileges hasn’t gone to my head either. I don’t feel any different, my posts read the same, nothing has really changed much. Honestly, you stress people out man, and you screwed your acceptance thread up all by yourself.

You claim to be saving men from rushing into a reversal for pvps, and also like to use sayings against others like “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”, but from my point of view, you are in complete contradiction of your own rules, and/or beliefs.

Nobody here is rushing, and/or pushing anyone into having a reversal, in fact, I know I give very balanced options for everyone to consider, starting with conservative treatment options first, and I certainly warn people of the negative stuff to be considered as well. I do not encourage people to have reversals, and I do not give different advice behind the scenes via PM either.

You’ve never had a reversal, and I don’t understand how you come off thinking what you got to say about it is so helpful, accurate, and/or enlightening. I know of men that made claims that reversal saved their lives, and/or was the best decision they ever made, and here you are basically telling men to not have one, and you have absolutely no experience with it.

It’s pretty tough to just rush into a reversal as well. Having a reversal takes working with an appropriate doctor, and/or surgeon to even be considered for the procedure unless someone is consulting with a greedy, money hungry surgeon that could give a flip if the patients outcome is a success, or not.

I will have you know, you’ve also screwed this thread up. Well done.


#20

There is no reason for this behaviour on this forum. You have issues man. I hope if you come back in April you calm down.