So I met up with a friend a couple months ago and we got to talking about family planning. He indicated he planned to have a vasectomy early next year. I’ve been pretty private about mine (and my issues) so he didn’t know I had one. He gave me the standard pitch: that it’s so much simpler than a tubal ligation, that there are hardly any risks, it wouldn’t be fair to expect his wife to get one and that he’s looking forward to it. I then owned up and told him not to have it done (and said his wife shouldn’t get a tubal either). I told him it was the worst decision of my life and regretted it. He asked a bit about it, my complaints and seemed to think it was either urologist error or just me being unlucky. I told him I bought into everything he recited but that it’s not really accurate. He was skeptical and I was probably a bit more energetic than he expected. He said two colleagues he worked with had them and had no complaints. I then asked how often does he find men willing to talk about problems with their equipment? He seemed a bit irritated and changed the subject.
This guy is probably the third person I’ve tried to talk out of a vasectomy. Each person seems to think that I’m a rare case and that it wouldn’t happen to them. We see each other every few months and I told him to think about it long and hard and that I could email him some articles if he wants. I’m sure I won’t hear back from him on this.
This just goes to show how well marketed this procedure is and I think a big part of it is the comparison of it to a woman’s options. Basically, they spin it that why would you put your partner through a “major procedure” when you can just get a “simple procedure” done in a few minutes. Then they throw in the whole only 1-2 percent will have issues that require further medical treatment and leave every guy thinking that it’s a no-brainer. Of the 3 guys I’ve tried to talk out of it, only one has definitely ruled out vasectomy and that was only because his wife opted for a tubal during a c-section. The other two seemed resolved to get them out of obligation and devotion, if that makes sense.
What do you guys think? The friend hasn’t asked for the links or anything and I feel like he’s not interested in hearing about the side effects. Should I send them over anyway or just let him make his decision? I told him all the statistics in our discussions - that it’s more common than you think, that it really messes with your system and all. His response was basically that he and his wife didn’t want more kids and it seemed unreasonable not to get snipped. My gut tells me I’ve done my part and to keep out of it. However, there’s another part of me that wishes someone had stepped in before I made my mistake and talked some sense into me.