I agree that a culture that creates pressure for either sex is wrong. I also get that two wrongs do not make a right. Having said that, I would argue that we currently have a culture where there is way more pressure on women to be on the pill than there is for men to do anything. Men typically pressure women on this because they don’t like condoms. Women tend to give into this and then later, once having children out of the way push back and say " these things are having an effect on my long term health and we need to discuss alternatives". There is no perfect solution obviously, but I do believe women have been carrying the load a whole lot more than we have.Again, I think that is why its a conversation and joint decision, because someone is going to have to accept risk. The situation just sucks. So, I am not disagreeing at all that culturally pressuring guys is wrong, but I don’t think you can make that statement without acknowledging what has been the norm since the inception of the pill in the 50’s.
just my opinion respectfully
This is not your fault, or your husbands fault. For most men, unless unreported, vasectomy does not result in these types of complications, but clearly as you can see they do occur and when they do they can range from aggravating as in my case (congestion pain that transfers to pitiformis) to significant nerve issues. The real blame is on the providers for not providing proper informed consents and for their failure to provide surgical options that could result in a more favorable outcome. There’s willful blindness in the urological community about the serious complications while uncommon. I felt crazy until I saw Dr. Perikatal at rye PUR clinic in Clermont Florida. He has a significant level of understanding into these types of issues and can provide your husband with options. I would recommend that you do a phone consultation ($200) and possibly make the trip to see him in person as i did. He really improved my situation to the point where I’m 95% better. Many people have similar success stories with PVP competent physicians, a few others are mentioned in this forum. Try to relax, don’t do any procedures with a urologist unfamiliar with PVP or one who’s in denial. Talk to Dr. P!
Just reading here, from when I had serious PVPS Naproxen will not touch severe pain.
I had to use 50/1000 Co-codamol to get any real relief in peak pain, and I was not as badly off as many of the people who post here.
The codine component unfortunately is addictive , so it is only recommended for 3 days at at time
I see what you are saying however have you come across stuff like this in your browsing ?
I can’t imagine an article promoting female sterilisation, plus taking the tone this does, and not facing a huge backlash.
And, oh lucky lucky us, it’s almost World Vasectomy Day again.
Again it is hard to imagine something like that ever getting pushed at women with the “man up / be a good guy” utter BS, but without an explanation of the real risks without a near nuclear level backlash happening.
@atlanticcoast Well, I just had to click on the world vasectomy day website. Now, I’m fired up. Out of the top 10 reasons to get a vasectomy, there are only 3 or 4 that legitimately make sense. The last one said it’s better for the planet. I can tell you that this planet is a lot worse off having all of us in pain. I sent them an email. I don’t suspect it will do anything, but I fell better now. Here’s way it states.
“Might be kind of a good idea to actually post the actual risks for the procedure. To say that prolonged pain is unusual is a lie at best and propaganda at its worst. The AUA states 1-2%, and the NHS states 10%, of men have testicular pain that becomes chronic. And, yes, I am aware that tubal ligation has a higher number of immediate risks to a woman. However, that does not downplay the life changing complications that more than a “rare” amount of men suffer. I’m not against people deciding what’s best for themselves and their families, but all parties involved should be open and honest about the risks and understand the rather high, at least in a medical sense, life altering risks of both procedures. This is a purely elective procedure that was initially presented to me as a simple snip, and which for the main risk was unintended pregnancies. 1/2000 is a lot better odds for not having an accidental pregnancy than the 1/10 that end up in chronic pain. Wish someone would have been honest to my wife and I because we would have opted for having more kids than dealing with the chronic pain hell that the vasectomy has caused us”.
I’m not a great writer, but i hope it gets somebody’s attention.
I think what you have written is very persuasive and there is no harm at all in contacting those guys, but their motivation seems partly to be around population growth.
I would have to agree with them that there simply are too many of us, and the planet is becoming warmed and contaminated with clearly dire consequences ahead for our children and grandchildren.
I try to live a lifestyle with low levels of consumerism and waste and recycle all that I can for these reasons, but human numbers and behaviours are a very clear factor. Even writing this makes me think seriously again about getting a 4kw photo voltaic solar install for my roof to half my electricity consumption, which I know largely comes from the burning of gas.
I drive a diesel car doing 58mpg, which helps, and my car next will hopefully be a hybrid or full electric, once prices 2nd hand come down enough to be affordable to me.
Not warning men who they are actively promoting vasectomy to that national health organisations like the UK’s NHS are now stating 1/10th will experience chronic testicle pain, does seem pretty remarkable however.
I totally agree wit a lot of what you are saying. I guess I should elaborate. Over the last 8 months, I’ve pretty much been doing whatever I can to make life easier on myself and my family. Before all of this I was willing to take the time to recycle, use less water, use less fuel, etc. However, now I’m literally trying to keep life as simple and easy as possible. I take a hot bath practically every night where as before I rarely did. I have driven all over my city going to doctor visits, PT appointments, etc. I rarely combine errands because I’m just tired and don’t want to add any stress to my life. I’m getting better though and things are changing back to my old mindset, but when you are in pain, most other things get thrown to the back burner.
I agree with much of what you are saying here myself. I actually hit on many of these same topics in another thread here.
This world has a lot of serious problems that are going to catch up with it much sooner, than later, and you rarely see any of this on the local, or national news.
IMO, this is not a good enough reason to BS the entire planet that vasectomy is perfectly safe, that vasectomy changes nothing, to not warn men and their families of what can really happen, create a global “get a vasectomy day” holiday, to profit from unwarned pvps/cpps victims, etc, etc, etc.
I think you are getting into Esther Villar territory somewhat here.
I can’t say I buy much into the books view, and as my wife and I have a pretty equally contributing partnership, it very very thankfully does not reflect my own life.
It is an interesting perspective to have available on some of the observable interactions and behaviours exhibited in society though, and particularly when watching the structure of the relationships of people around you.
This whole get a vasectomy thing isn’t all about guys with a wife at home that has given birth to children, that pressure their husbands into having a vasectomy because of it, and/or she wanted/needed to get off birth control after the fact.
My wife and I have no kids. My wife has never even had a kid. I do have several children from previous endeavors.
It was about my wife needing to get off birth control. She, and her GP were convinced her birth control was at the root of several health conditions she was developing in her mid to late 30’s.
My wife didn’t know any better far as risks, and side effects go. My story is quite unlike many of you all, yet the same pressure, and antics were used against me into having it done to myself.
I was already a scrotal pain patient several years prior to the vasectomy. I was definitely a bad candidate on many levels.
The same urologist that had treated me years beforehand was the same a-hole that said I was a good candidate for a vasectomy. Same guy that gave me a bunk vasectomy risks and side effects consultation, and paperwork. Same guy with the bunk informed consent paperwork. The term pvps was never even brought to my attention. I’d never heard of it.
I was rushed into it, and railroaded if you will. I don’t blame my wife anymore. I blame urology.
Bingo Ringo! I have not posted in quite some time, it is physically painful to visit the site… you guys know what i mean. It has now been 1.5 years since my surgery with Dr. Kang in Pleasanton CA. While I will never be the same as I was, I am so much better than immediately after the surgery. I haven’t done CBD drops in about a year, i just don’t feel the need. I don’t really feel the pain unless i think about it… oh yeah, there it is.
Hang in their brothers, just remember that the medical establishment has no problem screwing over men, literally from the day we are born until we are put in the ground. There is a very short list of reasons why I would ever visit a Dr. again. Keep strong… if you have a loving spouse then count yourself as lucky.
There definitely is Mike. We can bat this idea of who manipulated who, who’s fault, all that stuff, but at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter to me anymore. Them thoughts are destructive in my life.
Everyone’s situation is a bit different far as how they became tangled up into getting a vasectomy. I’d say that ultimately, the real lies, and manipulations lie in the hands of urology. No loving, caring, ethical wife would steer her man into possibly getting screwed up if she knew the truth about what can really happen.
I remember a female co-worker years ago that watched me go through the worst of my story, and she still forced her husband to get a vasectomy.
She would rant about having all the kids, he needed to man up, and do his part, the typical speil. Needless to say, her antics, and ethics destroyed our relationship at work. I completely hated her from that point forward.
I’m done with this topic. I don’t see what more I could add to the conversation without going around in circles here.
Agree with this whole heartedly. If I had heard one bad thing about a vasectomy from anyone, I would have never even considered it for my husband. I was convinced by a lot of people that it was a safe and simple procedure. I never thought twice about it and couldn’t comprehend my husband’s reservations about it.
@Worriedwife1, you sound very similar to my wife with many things you have said. My wife was no different. You, and my wife share many of the same sentiments.
The main thing that helped me move forward best I could was, my wife never would’ve pushed so hard if she had known the truth far as the risks I was taking. No way.
She figured my vas urologist would’ve told me the truth far as if I was a bad candidate, the risks I was considering taking, etc, etc.
My wife and I are both victims, and we both learned a lot the hard way.
@RingoStar My husband was actually upset with me after he got it done that I didn’t look into the risks. I honestly didn’t think there was any, and if they did exist it was fixable.
I think I would have been a worse person if I pushed him into it still after looking at the complications BUT it makes me more mad at myself because I should have looked and if I had, he would be fine right now
@Worriedwife1, Same story here.
I’d just started a new job, was super busy, to much on my mind, I kept telling my wife no, and that everything would work out, don’t worry about getting pregnant anytime soon.
She kept printing vasectomy propaganda from the internet far as risks go, and I’d get home from work to find this stuff on my desk, time, and time again over a period of 6-8 weeks.
Eventually I caved in, and said, ok, I will go to Dr. XYZ, and have a face to face chat about this (cost me right at 200 bucks to get lied to).
I signed myself up to have it done in 30 days after the consultation, it didn’t seem I had anything to loose, and I would be doing the right thing for my wife (my best friend).
As the month passed, I told my wife I wasn’t going through with it, I just had a bad gut feeling about it.
Here came the cavalry, my mother in law and her speil about me getting it done, other family members, my boss, a few others to.
I continued to have reservations about not doing it. I feel very pressured by this point, and didn’t appreciate it. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the time to do a thorough search online about vasectomy risks, and side effects, and neither did my wife.
The day of my vasectomy, my wife and I got into an argument about it before we left the house. If that wasn’t enough, we got into one of our biggest arguments to date back then while sitting in her car in the urologists parking lot.
I always wished I would’ve gotten out of the car, and walked home (20 miles). Instead, my wife managed to convince me that I was afraid of fear itself (this didn’t go over so well for years afterwards)
Hindsight is 20/20, but I eventually learned whom to blame, and whom had really set both of us up for disaster on many levels.
I told Ringo this but wanted to tell everyone else. I know in my heart and head that this sort of thinking is a dead end. I am cutting down on Baclofen and did not take Gabapentin last night and think I may be experiencing some withdrawal induced negative thinking. It’s okay to rant sometimes with the understanding it does not fix you or move the ball down the field.
How does your wife handle the situation that led to you getting the vasectomy? Does she also struggle with regrets?
My husband told me over and over he didn’t want to do it and like you guys, got in an argument in the car (only ours was after). I just thought he was overreacting. My heart hurts so bad.
I don’t know if your wife would be willing to talk to me. I’m having a hard time dealing with this all. I don’t want to look so far into the future but from what I read on here, it looks so bleak.
The past is water under the bridge, you didn’t set out with any ill intent to see harm come to your partner and you thought this was the right thing for your family. Most people who make it onto this board only see the higher risk stats once things are bad. Blame the world of vasectomy sales and promotion and the rich surgeons driving big cars, strangely a for profit medical system doesn’t want to talk about this.
Being hard on yourself about how you got where you are is going to paralyse you out of action, it’s just really not that productive.
What you need to do from here is work the treatment cascade to get a workable technical solution and then try to exit the bad situation by addressing the immediate pain problem.
(Please let me know if I am off the pace here on the treatment path)
Steps (confirm these with an actual doctor of course):
Pain Relief - Paracetamol, Ibuprofen, Naproxen, Co-codamol (50/1000 did it for me but also made me sleep - sedating stuff, plus it’s an opoid so be careful of dependence)
Very hot baths every night, this lowers sperm production and reduces back pressure if that is part of the cause.
Pain Relief 2 - If no success Neuropathic pain drugs - Gabapentin, Amitriptyline - read the side effects carefully.
If in a reasonably manageable state using these techniques, wait to see if pain settles, I waited a year but unfortunately it didn’t for me.
At this point you get into surgical intervention. That needs to be carefully analysed and you need a good diagnosis from one of the commonly used surgeons on here.
The most succesful option is reversal. The others are denervation and epididymectomy. The consensus seems to be that those are less successful and the literature generally backs that. They are 50/50, reversal seems to be a reasonably good fix for 75%.
From flicking back through your posts it looks like it is possibly severe general groin pain, so that will need diagnosed through.
Good luck to you both, all being well in 18 months you will both look back and say “what a crap year that all was”.
“If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going” - Winston Churchill