New to the forum…and thanks to all for sharing your difficult stories and wisdom gained. Not headed for divorce…yet. Have 2 teens who need me around. But with the pain, am not always as present as I would like. Wife definitely nagged me into this decision and have not had a pain free day for a year since the vas. I realize that I’ve been perseverating and am working hard not to talk about my pain too much. I know that she feels terrible, but also that she must get tired hearing about it. Mostly, I wish I had stuck to my decision not to have the vasectomy (and that I’d found this forum beforehand). My hope is that I still may heal and move on. But it has changed our relationship for the worse.
You need to get out in front of this. Nothing has the potential to cause more anger and lasting/permanent damage to a relationship when one partner is not allowed to talk about the pain they are dealing with, especially if it impacts their ability to do the things they used to do and need to do. The entire “stop talking about it” thing is unbelievably cruel and unjust considering you were coerced into getting the operation. We’ve had guys get better beyond a year so don’t think it’s not possible but you need to let go of the guilt. This happened to you. You both need to deal with that reality. Not talking about it is not going to make the pain go away.
I remember being in that awful situation and it triggered a lot of resentment.
What type of pain do you have and what situations trigger it? i.e. is it testicular aching/sensitivity, burning pinching etc.
Hah. All of the above! Initially there was dysthetic, burning pain on the incision site (worse with the reversal than with the vasectomy). But it’s the dull ache that really shuts me down. Formerly, I enjoyed 70 mile bike rides. I tried a few times to “get back on the saddle” but it’s not an option. Other activities: sex, rock climbing, can happen-but typically I pay for about 3 days afterward with recurrence of both types of pain. On days that I stand all day at work, I’m pretty ready to scream by 3pm which often puts me in avoidance mode when I get home.
It’s pretty much alway on my mind- so I make an effort to not talk about it too much. Yesterday, I shovelled out my driveway and that of 2 elderly neighbors, so yes, sore today. But it’s also my kids birthday…what can I do? Grin and bear it, I’m afraid.