Donate

Post Vasectomy Pain Forum

Break-ups and divorce


#21

Yeah, well. It’s easy to be magnanimous when you are not impacted or in a moment when you are not impacted.

For me it’s affected my ability to provide and to do my chosen career. It also led indirectly to some other health issues that have done the same, like the hole in my gut from gulping NSAIDS to control the pain (as directed by a physician).

So I find myself struggling to do things that used to be easy, like sit in a chair and work. Stay healthy long enough to accumulate enough vacation to get much needed downtime where I am not “working remote” on vacation. I missed a lot of time a couple years ago due to vicious attacks of inflammation that were incredibly painful and bad enough that I considered going to the ER.

So you get to a point where you are constantly defensive because you live in a justifiable state of fear about being able to provide for yourself or hold up your end of a relationship that wouldn’t even be messed up if you had not had someone hold an emotional gun to your head to get an operation you didn’t need and didn’t want.

Hard not to flip the fear to anger when you start feeling pressure to perform when the reason you can’t perform is pain that you wouldn’t have if the person pressuring you hadn’t pressured you to begin with.

What a disaster.

I hear you on the forgiveness thing though. I hope I die in a moment of grace where I am not consumed with a wave of anger/rage. There is no grace in that state.


#22

You are so very right indeed. Some of the posts on this forum have been such a benefit to me, I wish I could only return the favor.

Some might consider having an orchidectomy in hopes to alleviate pain a pretty radical approach. For some a radical approach may be all that is left.


#23

My post was mostly about what Cartman had said about a supportive/non-supportive partner. That’s going to bite you eventually whether you have a bad vasectomy or not. Sorry if I came off preachy.


#24

And I gave your post a like because I thought it was pretty good myself. I didn’t think you were referring to anyone, lol.


#25

It’s also because I think about how I could have easily married the wrong person when I was younger and how much higher my wife has set the bar. She’s been great even though PVP has messed some things up for us.


#26

The girl I was married to prior to my wife was a succubus, lol.

I know what you mean.


#27

@Bry,

I don’t know what that garbage was in my last post but please disregard it. I wasn’t sure what you were talking about above then I looked at my last post and was like WTF. I was actually replying to @crotalus97.
To be honest I started typing that a few days ago then decided it was unwarranted but this software leaves things buffered like an email draft and if you use the quote feature can cause you to post old text if you aren’t careful.

I didn’t want to go into but I had given a guy advice about my perception of the state of his marriage like that before only to be really turned off when someone started saying the same to me. My wife is great. Like you she has elevated my game in every way except PVPS. I could have done a hell of a lot worse. I always used to be proud of myself because I had never seriously considered marrying any of the women I dated in hindsight until I met her. Things were great and only got bad because of this operation and my bad outcome with it. It was one dysfunctional exchange but the implications of it were huge. Just goes to show how one moment of anger or hurtful exchange can really alter a persons life.


#28

Am I to understand that your reversal made no difference to your pain, I have had pain off and on for 26 years and have finally saved enough money for a reversal. I never wanted the VASECTOMY in the first place as it is and still is against my beliefs, however I was nagged and bowed to pressure and have suffered for years. I could never have asked the person that I love to go under the knife because of care free sex, but in this case she could not take me as I was, I am sorry to say it come between us. I stayed because of my children. My question to you then do you still have pain? I have never had a full nights sleep since the vasectomy, to be truthful I am tired, tired through lack of sleep, and tired of the pain. I wish that I had never bowed to pressure and left me as I was, yep it did interfere with our sex lift it hurt to preform, so the vasectomy really worked no pregnancy, and no sex. She got part of here wish


#29

@Francis no i am not fixed its not a magic cure i hope more time maybe. Look up my other posts usjng search.


#30

bugger , cheers mate


#31

Wow. Many of us wish we were married to you. My vasectomy was a long time ago. The intense pain lasted three months, and then thankfully went away. The psychological impacts are still there. She pushed me in to it, then got mad after two weeks of my pain, and accused me of making it up to cause her to feel bad. The relationship is permanently affected. I try to not get too close, as there has never been any retraction of that exchange. The mere mention of a vasectomy puts both of us on edge.


#32

@Wolverine1918 don’t forget I was the one who got my husband into this mess. It’s odd because @Cartman talks about how he wonders how life would be if he married the other girl. I wonder what life would have been if my husband married the other girl too :frowning: His life probably would have been better.


#33

Sorry to say that and be hurtful. I just want to be happy. Who doesn’t? And for me, I am incredibly unhappy in my marriage. It’s horrible. And I’m alone. I have zero help or compassion from my wife. At least your hubby has someone trying to help and be there for him. Some of us don’t have that.

For me, I also think about what I missed out on support wise in general. My wife isn’t supportive at all. In anything. I’ve had some major stress and problems personally and with work and she’s never around for me. She will tell me she doesn’t want to hear it as she’s stressed or busy with work. It just never ends. And I had a girlfriend who was super supportive. And the sex was incredible. She was genuinely a nice person. Loved kids and was so good with them. My wife, she can’t stand the kids and isn’t the greatest with them.

In the end it is what it is. I’m stuck for awhile. For now I just stay to myself and try to stay out of her way. Cause I’m super tired of getting yelled at all the time.


#34

But you acted upon faulty information, as did my wife. We had no access to any information other than the misinformation provided by her gynecologist and the urologist. You never intended to harm your husband, and neither did my wife. However, my wife chose the low road of ridiculing my situation, and you did not.


#35

the funny thing, my wife’s gyno, her brother is a doctor. he had a vas and is still in pain too! Back when I had mine the gyno said I must be wrong, something in my head…blah blah blah. And then her brother had one and ended up fucked. Until it happens to you or to someone you know, they just don’t know or care.


#36

There is something going on…you could not possibly have been the first to complain about pain to the gynecologist. I am not a conspiracy advocate at all, but I think sterilization is such a lucrative operation that there is a consensus to sell it and try to ignore folks like us. I’ve visited blogs where misinformed women berate anyone who complains about pain, all based upon this bull from doctors who continue to deny any such pain can happen.


#37

My GP was the one suggesting my husband get a vas. I couldn’t do the pills anymore and when we talked about birth control she said that would be the easiest thing. So in turn, I pushed it on my husband. I couldn’t understand his concerns. Then a family friend talked about himself getting one and how great it was. I kept using that to convince my husband because I had never heard that something bad could happen from it. My husband even said that it wasn’t natural, no one knows the long term complications and that he was cutting something that shouldn’t be cut. I thought he was just being silly and brushed it off. If I could go back…

That being said, my GP’s assistant knew what was going on with my husband and would always ask about him. The last time I was in there she told me that her guy friend got one done and now is in a lot of pain, telling her he just wants to chop his balls off because they hurt so much. I told her this issue is more common then let on to be and it’s sad more info isn’t given out.

My friend who’s husband recently got it done is having pain issues too. She told him not to do it after my husband’s issues but he went through with it anyways. He is still only a few weeks in so he most likely will be fine but I told her it’s not a 2 to 3 day thing like they tell you.

We have all been duped by something that was supposed to make life easier. It’s sad really. I realized how uncomplicated our life really was before. Ive made it my mission to tell people about our story, as personal as it is because I don’t want people to go through the same thing we have.


#38

Good for you! I’m afraid the only way the message gets out is by word of mouth. You can bet that the media and the medical community won’t say it.

I went through this with my son-in-law. My daughter instructed me to say nothing. He was in a great deal of pain about two weeks afterward. Now my godson has this planned. I tried to warn him off, but his wife is of course adamant that he get it done. What makes it harder is that my wife would go ballistic if she knewas I did that. She doesn’t want to know the truth either.


#39

This whole experience has made our marriage worse. He did this on his own after the birth of our second child 7 years ago. He didn’t want me to have to go through any more pain. He did this for me and it has been a nightmare. Pain from the beginning. It doesn’t seem quite as bad as many of you on here are describing, but it is bad. Followed by financial problems due to a hurricane and a decrease in income last year has resulted in him moving out and filing for divorce several months ago (which he still hasn’t served me with papers). He gives me money, fixes things when they are broken, helps with the kids, etc. I feel like he thinks he should leave so that I don’t have to deal with his “issues”. He has told me I deserve someone else. Thank you all for sharing your stories/experiences. I know he was looking at the reversal option, but was worried about missing work. I wish the truth about this “safe” procedure was given to every potential patient. Had we known the dangers, this would have never happened.


#40

We don’t get many wives here so thanks for sharing. Women/wives are victims of this too. You should take heart in knowing that by coming here and sharing your story, as painful as it may be, you may end up making some other unfortunate woman feel less alone. Most of us here just wish we had been given better informed consent. This place, if nothing else, fills that void of ignorance/misinformation out there on this topic. Bad outcomes happen with vasectomy and they have a devastating impact on people lives.