Yeah, well. It’s easy to be magnanimous when you are not impacted or in a moment when you are not impacted.
For me it’s affected my ability to provide and to do my chosen career. It also led indirectly to some other health issues that have done the same, like the hole in my gut from gulping NSAIDS to control the pain (as directed by a physician).
So I find myself struggling to do things that used to be easy, like sit in a chair and work. Stay healthy long enough to accumulate enough vacation to get much needed downtime where I am not “working remote” on vacation. I missed a lot of time a couple years ago due to vicious attacks of inflammation that were incredibly painful and bad enough that I considered going to the ER.
So you get to a point where you are constantly defensive because you live in a justifiable state of fear about being able to provide for yourself or hold up your end of a relationship that wouldn’t even be messed up if you had not had someone hold an emotional gun to your head to get an operation you didn’t need and didn’t want.
Hard not to flip the fear to anger when you start feeling pressure to perform when the reason you can’t perform is pain that you wouldn’t have if the person pressuring you hadn’t pressured you to begin with.
What a disaster.
I hear you on the forgiveness thing though. I hope I die in a moment of grace where I am not consumed with a wave of anger/rage. There is no grace in that state.